Ukebe is what we from the Akwa Ibom and most likely Crossriver area call Enema. If you are from the South East region and was born in the late 60s and 70s down to the 80s you would have had your little anus violated by your parents in a bid to keep you healthy.
It is usually a brown pump with a white pistle that is used to suck in the fluid, usually made up of green leaves or soap or just plain hot water. The pump is inserted in your anus and from there the liquid is pumped into your body.
Then they rumble your tummy and you rush to the toilet and bomb down the place with a loud splash followed with heavy farts and smell.
As you get older, the little pump is replaced with a gallon that has a long tube attached to it. The liquid about 2 liters or in some cases, 4 litters will be placed on an elevated surface and the long pipe trailed from the gallon straight into your body thru your misused anus.
The pain was horrendous and how people todsy now find sexual pleasure from insertion in the anus beats me, I swear.
For us, it was a monthly thing. We couldn’t escape it as my parents believed that this ancient act cured everything. From headache, to malaria and even scraps from the football field, my mother would say – idib abad, meaning that the tummy is dirty.
Immediately the paraphernalia will be brought out with my father playing a very vital role in setting it up, while my mother who was a lefty would insert. She was the expert in insertion, while my dad was the expert in holding up the gallon.
If you don’t knw what im talking about, just picture u filling your car tank with fuel from a jerry can during fuel scarcity, with your car fuel tank being your anus and you holding up the jerry can.
I used to pity my brothers as my mum would say – Joe, afo me fere idib.. Meaning that my tummy is soft.
How she got dt notion i didnt bother to contest since it gave me the waiver that afforded me halfof the gallon against my brothers full gallons.
As the first born, i would be the first to crouch. Its simple, you knw what they call doggie style when making love? That was the posture and then the insertion occurs and you begin to feel very hot liquid pour into your system
The pain is indescribable, you will think your tummy is about to explode and you cant jump and run as my father was on standby to step on you.
It was at this early stage, i learnt my first lessons in motivation.. My dad was woeful as a coach. He will never inspire you as he would look into the gallon and say matter of factly, that you have not even started. He would get angry when u scream from pain and bark at you not to waste his time since his crush Sienne All well Brown would soon start casting the news.
My mother on the other hand, would touch your back and rub your tummy softly and say – Ini u are my champion, do this for me. You are almost done, welldone, you see why i love you, you see why i must choose your wife, because you are a very sensitive child and I will now want to take all the pain for my mother instead of my barking father.
After over 10years of this assault on my ass, i found out a perfect way of escaping. Once my father took position behind me with the jar held in both hands far above his head, i will wait patiently for the liquid to enter my system, as soon as it does and i begin to feel the first pangs of uncontrollable pain, i will release all the watery shit in my system straight to my father’s face and body, he will scream and drop the jar and chase me, i will run naked straight down to the neighbours downstairs who were also Ibibio and where at the exact moment subjecting their children to the same assault.
After a series of attacks, my father on his own suspended the horendous treatment wnd went to get castor oil for the same purpose.
This was worse because I was born with a very sweet tooth and the first time, i tasted the very bitter liquid, i fainted and lost counsciousness and found myself at the Military Hospital in yaba where i was born.
Today someone made me laugh as she suggested i took Ukebe since i have been stooling. That she still does it for her husband and that people in abuja pay heavily for it.
I laughed and said mbok, make i dey shit my shit in peace o!
Kai
