Congratulations, lovebirds! You’ve found that special someone, the one you can’t imagine your future without him or her.
Amidst the butterflies and daydreams of engagements and weddings, it’s important to ensure you’re both on the same page about your shared future. In other words, it’s time for some big conversations and crucial questions.
Sure, divorce statistics may lurk in the shadows, but fear not! While life may throw curveballs, your relationship doesn’t have to crumble under pressure. Starting these conversations before saying “I do” can lay a sturdy foundation for your marriage. As marriage therapist Hatty J. Lee advises, these discussions shouldn’t be reserved for the engagement period but initiated long before.
She says:
“If at any point you find you’re both engaging in destructive, painful relational patterns with each other, pause and take a break instead of rushing and forcing yourself to go through with the process,”
Disagreements are inevitable, but they don’t have to spell doom. The key is fostering open, honest communication.
According to Lee, there’s often more beneath the surface of differing opinions, like fears of inadequacy or conflict avoidance.
By going into deeper conversations, couples can identify underlying fears and cultivate a sense of security. And if you can’t find common ground? Relax. As Lee reassures, distinguishing between needs and negotiables is crucial.
However, if disagreements escalate into pain, it’s okay to hit pause on the engagement. As Lee advises, engaging in destructive relational patterns warrants a break to address underlying issues. After all, unresolved issues only intensify post-marriage. So, don’t hesitate to ask those burning questions—vulnerably and sincerely.
Now, onto the key questions you will interrogate before jumping in!:
1. Money matters. Discuss financial goals openly to ensure alignment and preempt potential stressors.
2. Support each other in tough times. Learn how to lend a hand when your partner needs it most.
3. Kids on the horizon? Discuss your desires and plans regarding starting a family to navigate potential challenges together.
4. Parenting perspectives. Understand each other’s visions for parenting to ensure harmony in child-rearing.
5. Money matters, part two. Decide whether joint finances or separate accounts best suit your partnership.
6. Spirituality and religion. Speak about your beliefs and how they’ll shape your shared life, especially regarding children and traditions.
7. Family time. Determine expectations for interactions with extended family, especially as your own family unit grows.
8. Love languages. Learn how to show and receive love in ways that resonate with your partner.
9. Conflict resolution styles. Understand how each of you prefers to handle disagreements to navigate conflicts effectively.
10. Personal goals. Discuss aspirations and visions for personal growth and development.
Remember, these questions aren’t meant to interrogate but to deepen your understanding of each other. Disagreements aren’t red flags; they’re opportunities for growth and understanding.
So, seize the moment, embrace vulnerability, and embark on this journey of discovery together.
