Parenting: The Lifelong Institution At The Heart Of Marriage – By Olabanji Racheal

Parenting is not complete if it leaves behind stereotypes.

If there is any event in Nigeria that takes so much commitment, planning and resources, it is a wedding ceremony. You definitely know what I am talking about and its the women that does most of the planning.

Tying the nuptial knots can be time consuming and detail driven, from the traditional wedding to the legal wedding to the church/mosque wedding. Oh, did I miss the introduction and the reception aspect??? All of these are well planned for when a man and woman wants to get married.

Its a good ability to be able to successfully plan for and execute a wedding with or without the help of an event planner. But most times, we don’t see this aspect of good planning for other areas of this couple’s life especially the areas that proceeds after the wedding and one of these areas that is causing so much problem due to poor planning is PARENTING!

The PARENTING period occurs most times immediately after the wedding has been done. Well, you might think I want to talk about the pregnancy period and taking care of the baby which is important but no, I want to talk about parenting the child for the future.

One thing we must not ignore is how children grow and learn so fast. Have you noticed how children of age 3, 4, 5,6 know what having a sexual relationship means, having a boyfriend or a girlfriend, they even know what kissing means and they even do it in their schools

These little children not fully understanding but can say I have a boyfriend, I like him and I kissed him. They know so much and have been exposed to so many things at their age. But have you ever wondered why it is often sex-related stuffs they fall for? Like its the next thing that affects children most times. Why not innovations? Creativity?

Thing is, as they grow, they begin to form habits, become more aware of the changes going on in their bodies and the next thing that they often fall prey to is having a relationship with a boy/girl which leads to early sex that has so much implications attached like exposure to STDs and HIV/AIDS, teenage pregnancy and abortion.

Approximately 21 million teenage girls aged 15–19 years become pregnant each year and the prevalence of teenage pregnancies is 95% higher in low- and middle-income countries (LMICs) like Nigeria which consequentially leads to high levels of unsafe abortion. Also, today in Nigeria, UNICEF reports that almost eight out of ten new HIV infections occurs in adolescents aged 10-19 especially amongst adolescent girls.

Why do we have these numbers, why do we have pregnant young girls in our neighborhoods, why are there so much tales about abortion even though its illegal in Nigeria but there is one Madam Jane that is good at doing it and our young girls are her customers.
And finally, the big question, don’t they have parents? Did their parents educate them properly on sexuality education?
Mind you, remember I started with how couples have the ability to plan so much for a successful wedding but do not plan or have an idea of how to parent.

A recent survey I did revealed how young people (married and unmarried) today are faced with the dilemma of :

I don’t know when to start educating my children on comprehensive sexuality education

I feel shy talking about it

How do I start the conversation?

I don’t have the time to talk to them about it

I don’t know if I have the correct information

I don’t know the age-appropriate information to give my children concerning their sexuality

These are just few issues out of many that is streaming in the hearts of young parents today.

Knowing the primary role parents play in their children’s development, its very important that as a parent or a soon to be parent to be effectively equipped with the right information and the “how to” pass the right information technique.

You don’t just only preach abstinence and still expose your children to couples kissing erotically in a wedding ceremony, to watching reality tv shows where lots of sexual activities go on.

They most times, experiment and end up having early sex with little or no knowledge of what puberty entails, pregnancy, contraception, abortion, signs of sexual abuse, sexually transmitted infections.

They might tell you they know or you think they know so much already but do they have the complete and right information?

You can’t stop your children from making their choices but you have the right and responsibility to properly educate them with the right and complete information to make sound decisions that determine that their actions!

Are you ready to get married? Are you a parent already and you don’t even know the basics of comprehensive sexuality education not to talk of educating your children about it. Its time to bear the responsibility you owe your children by getting yourself equipped!

Opinion piece written by Olabanji Damilola Racheal.

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